Raising Youngins

If you’re reading this as a stay-at-home mom, don’t be offended by anything. I’m writing from my perspective of a working mom because that’s all I’ve ever been…

I remember the first time I dropped by daughter off at school. I walked in a strong mama, ready to conquer the working mama world. My daughter’s schedule was nicely written. I had prepared bottles, extra clothes packed neatly in her backpack. I was dressed up with my hair and makeup done for the first time in a few months. I was ready for my first day back at work. I walked out of school without half my heart, crying, thinking I just left my infant daughter with a stranger named, Hannah (Hannah – in case you’re reading this, I love you!) and I won’t see her for 8 hours – what am I thinking? Two years later I drop off the second kid on his first day, greet already familiar teachers, pass them the schedule I messily wrote out that morning, prayed everything needed was in his backpack and walked down the hallway to drop off the next kid. When I came to pick Saralee up the first day, I remember searching all the babies’ faces for my sweet girl until I found hers and all was well again. Nowadays, after a long day, I will be walking up to the school’s door next to Saralee’s classroom and see her beautiful little face meet mine and she will yell “MAMA!” so loud that I can hear the excitement through the window and it makes my heart swell.

There’s been many mornings that I drop my kids off and feel a terrible guilt deep in my heart that I should be with them. Why am I letting other people care, feed and teach them? There’s also some mornings that I think: “good luck today Mrs. Amanda.” There are so many times that school has called that one of my kids are sick and a mad, frustrated feeling washes over me: “Are you kidding? Again? Now it’s two days home with them before I can take them back.” I get mad at my husband because his job doesn’t allow for any flexibility when our kids are sick, so I am “stuck” with my sick kids at home while still maintaining a full-time job. Thankfully my leaders are gracious and accommodating to my everchanging, primary role of mom. Even with the grace, why is it so hard to switch to plan b from my original plan a of dropping kids off and going to work? My heart received what it wanted, right? Two days with my child at home… why do I feel resentful at my husband, mad at my kids that they are sick and incomplete in my role at work? I wish I could say that I have conquered this feeling after two kids, but alas, I have not and I share because I figure that other working moms with littles feel the same way.

In the beginning days of my daughter attending daycare I chose to instead call it: school. The title change helps my heart. Maybe it will help you too.

Since my husband and I have short weekday mornings and evenings with my kids, it’s crucial we take the time to be with them, really be with them.

1. Car rides are great conversational spaces. Ask about their days, what did they learn, how were they a nice friend, what would they like to do when we get home, what was their favorite part of the day, who’s their best friend, what are they looking forward to that day?
2. Dinner around the table. We eat dinner together at the table every weeknight. We all hold hands and thank the Lord for our food, for those around us, lift up people who are struggling, ask for healthy bodies. Eyes are always open followed by sweet smiles and giggles, but we are doing it. Our 15-month-old even yells his own version of AMEN! now too.
3. Use your phone: Connor and Saralee will be arguing about something that she clearly knows nothing about, Connor gets his phone out and shows her what he’s talking about. Elephants really do have tusks! Show them, teach them, explain it to them by way of technology. Nowadays, Saralee will ask to see how something works… doctor’s office, ballerina positions. Redeem that screen!
4. Play time before bed time. Those 2-2.5 hours of evening time must be intentional for the kids or I will lay in bed later and regret the wasteful phone scrolling while my 3-year-old watches a Disney movie that I silently quote the whole way through. I’m looking forward to the upcoming warmer weather for more outside time.
5. A bedtime routine is the most powerful God time you can have with your kids. Review the day, give thanks, encourage, pray, sing, read the Bible, discuss, ask questions and then… listen. My daughter will literally talk until you shut the door, but that’s her favorite time with us and it’s obvious. Bubby is in bed, both parents are at her beck and call, loving her, playing with her, encouraging her. Her new favorite thing is to tell you that she has good news. What news you ask? “I’m so in love with you mama. Goodnight. I’ll have sweet dreams.”

Our current sermon series at church is about rest rhythms… I’ll admit: it’s been hard for me to grasp. Our senior pastor has even mentioned the Jewish lifestyle of starting your day at 5ish or close to evening time, sleeping and then continuing your day once you wake up. This obviously contradicts my usual alarm clock: Saralee slamming on her door, way too early, yelling my name. I slowly walk to open it, praying her brother slept through the 5 alarm fire alert signal, only to open the door to a sweet girl who looks like she slept with 25 monkeys in a whirlwind tornado by the sweaty hair and loss of a sock, asking in a gentle, quiet voice, “Is it wake up time yet?” I then hear the start of a cry from the other room and think about how I can’t wait to lay my head down on my pillow later that night. So yeah…. about that rest rhythm…

While I don’t have my rest rhythms thought through yet, I do have some strategies I try, heavy on the try, to do to make life easier as a busy, working mom:

1. Prepare for the next day the night before. I’m talking everything – coffee, clothes, bottles, pumping parts…more pumping parts, backpacks, work bag. Put everything by the door or organized in the fridge for a quick grab and load for the car.
2. For weeknight dinners, I pick 2 dinners to make and then the other nights we do leftovers or figure it out with what we have. My husband is the chef (see.. he really is the better half), so I will send him the recipes and he starts cooking so by the time me and the kids arrive home, dinner is almost ready. *chef’s kiss*
3. This suggestion happens the least because I’m not a morning person but waking up before the kids is amazing. Drink coffee, read the Bible, just take time to breath before every one wakes. Hmm… I should do this more, sounds so relaxing.
4. Having specific days to do chores has been helpful for our family. My husband and I both have our chores that we own and this helps keep things moving in our home. Anyone else do laundry, fold laundry and then have it sit in the basket for DAYS?! Me too!
5. After I had my first born I went through all my clothes and really contemplated what I want to wear after I could fit into everything again. If I wasn’t excited about wearing an item again, I donated it. This included workout gear, shoes, swimsuits, bras, everything. I pulled it all out and analyzed the excitement it gave me. Now I only wear 5-6 colors and only purchase clothes that go with at least 3 items I already own. I don’t exactly have a capsule wardrobe, but this shift into certain colors and styles has been a game changer. I wear black, light gray, light green and maroon because all these colors go together. And just for fun I LOVE bright pink. I would also be crazy to forget Kentucky blue. Analyze your closet… I bet you are drawn to certain colors already and have plenty of items that are too out of the box and not versatile enough to go with multiple outfits. Ditch them and make room for more versatile items. Shopping time!

Let’s talk about LOVE: I recently retook the 5 love languages test and was surprised to found out that my love languages changed and my second language is physical touch. My touch limit is reached by 7:30am. I do not like being touched and obviously as a mom to littles, I AM CONSTANTLY POKED, PRODDED, HIT, LICKED, BIT, TOUCHED. Whew, sorry, don’t know what got into me there… Sooo I have realized that I need an intimate touch. No, this isn’t about to get weird, but it’s a reminder to do that guy that made you a mama. I’ve often thrown my husband’s needs and feelings out the door because I’ve had my daughter’s little smelly lovey stuffed in my face all day and now have sex?! Don’t forget to date your spouse, don’t forget to kiss your spouse, don’t forget (or fake sleep) to love your spouse. Connor and I kiss every time we leave each other for the day, every time we see each other again in the evening and every night before we go to bed. I recently added an alarm on my phone at 7:09pm (our anniversary is 7-9-16) to remind me to look at him at that time, usually wrestling the kids, mowing the lawn or building a block castle, and thank God for who he is and that he’s all mine! 

If you expected me to have a working mom article that included venting, entitlement and bitterness, you are wrong. If you are a working mom, I share your worries, struggles and exhaustion. My brain is fried once I hit the end of a workday and then we pick up the kids and power through until we lay our heads down again.  I hope you’ve found a few helpful things in this article that will help make your days easier, more intentional and hopefully a little more restful.